Three common means of buffering negative emotions are over-eating, over-drinking, and over-shopping. Buffering is turning to an activity that immediately boosts dopamine in order to avoid or distract oneself from sadness, anger, boredom, shame, or dread. We all eat and shop. Many people have an alcoholic beverage here and there. Engaging in any of these is not at all problematic unless done to a degree that gives a net negative result in one’s life (a heavy weight, decreased cardiovascular functioning, poor sleep, relationship difficulties, debt, or clutter).
I’ve recently read several excellent books regarding these three behaviors. If you are interested, I’d highly recommend them.
Overeating
Katrina Ubell: How to Lose Weight for the Last Time
Dr. Ubell is also an MD life coach who specifically coaches on weight loss. Managing one’s mind is the key factor most health and weight loss books are missing. We can talk about changing our actions all day, but until we really start to recognize our thought patterns, identify and feel our emotions, and make changes in those areas, we will always fall short on taking lasting action.
Oonagh Duncan: Ditch the Diet
Oonagh is a hilarious Canadian fitness trainer. She came to fitness later in life and is super relatable. She definitely coaches on actions, but an additional theme throughout the book is guiding us back to asking ourselves WHY we want something. Why do we want to be thinner or fitter or faster? To feel a certain way. To feel happy and more confident. She guides us not only on the manageable action steps towards wellness but also on practicing thoughts NOW to feel the desired feelings of happiness and confidence.
Overdrinking
Annie Grace: This Naked Mind
This book takes a comprehensive look at all the cultural and internal pressures to drink alcohol, and how quickly we can slide down a slippery slope towards overconsumption. Though the author had a significant dependency on alcohol, I think the book is relevant to anyone who may be wanting to re-examine and refresh their relationship with alcohol, however minor or major that relationship currently is.
Overshopping
April Lane Benson: To Buy or Not to Buy
Dr. Benson is a psychologist who specializes in compulsive buying. This is an excellent book that really gets one thinking about what we REALLY are shopping for.
A key takeaway that I have had after reading the above books is to ask myself the following question when I find myself reaching for extra food, a glass of wine, my wallet to shop, or my phone to excessively scroll social media: What do I REALLY need right now? It is unlikely cake, wine, a new sweater, or a meme. Again, there is no problem with engaging in any of these behaviors in moderation. The problem comes when the behavior is chronic and causing a negative result in your life.
Here is a list that I came up with - yours may include many more things.
What is it that I REALLY need right now?
Reward
Comfort
Connection
Validation
Novelty
Excitement
Motivation
Love
Time alone
Rest
Relaxation
Peace
Freedom
Warmth
Growth
Home
Change
The second question to ask yourself is how can I attain that desired outcome in a more meaningful and healthy way? The list of ways we each can achieve the above results is unique and endless. Really think about what would satisfy those desired outcomes. Is it a simple thing? Is it a little shift in how you're thinking about or currently doing things? Or are you craving a major change? It all starts with identifying your buffering behavior, and starting to ask yourself why.
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