The things that we can control in life fit into a small circle. They are few but very powerful. Each of us can only control ourselves, and to some extent our dependent children and direct employees. Essentially, we can only truly control ourselves. So what does this mean?
Things I can control:
My actions
What I say
My attitude
My decisions
How I spend my time
How I spend and donate my money
Who I spend my time with
My values
My thoughts
How I vote
What I read, watch, and listen to
What I write in emails or on social media
My spiritual practice
Things I cannot control:
Everything else!!
Other adult humans
My spouse/partner
My siblings
My parents
My adult children
My coworkers/colleagues/boss
What other people post on social media
What other people say
How other people react
The news
The weather
Tragedies in the world
Think about all the things we spend time stewing, worrying, and fighting about in our minds that we have absolutely no control over. Over time this can lead to serious personal consequences: stress, anxiety, sadness, depression, physical ailments. This hurts us and has little to no effect on the people or things we are so trying to change and control.
So what can we do when faced with something we desperately want to be different?
Really look at the situation and separate it into the circumstances (facts) and our thoughts and feelings about those circumstances.
2. Ask what can I personally do (actions) to help this situation?
a. Offer support
b. Donate money
c. Write a letter to a politician or administrator
d. Attend a meeting
e. Make a phone call
f. Write an email
g. Really show up and listen
h. Ask what is needed
i. Apologize
j. Show up in your integrity
k. Educate yourself
3. Be done. Breathe. Set the worry aside. Continue to show up as your best self and know that is all you can truly control.
Turn all of the time and energy spent worrying, gossiping, and trying to change other people towards yourself - towards improving your communication, your actions, your attitude, your health and wellness.
Byron Katie, author of Loving What Is, describes all things as falling into three categories: my business, your business, or God’s business. When we find ourselves stewing about something, it’s helpful to ask “whose business is this?” Am I stewing about something I have no control over? Or am I spending a lot of time worrying about something that really is my business and I’m just spinning my wheels instead of doing the work to show up differently? A quote of Byron Katie’s that I love is “When you argue with reality, you lose — but only 100% of the time.” There can be a lot of peace that comes with clearly looking at a situation and determining what about this situation just is, and what about this can I effect differently? Then do that thing and be done.
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