How often do you find yourself saying "I deserve it" after a stressful day at work, a difficult workout, an argument, or a long day of travel? How often do you find a sweet reward in a cold pint of beer, an online cart, or a cupboard of Halloween candy?
There is no question that our current culture favors hustle. We are all expected to be top professionals, have high levels of fitness, be perfect parents, have interesting side hobbies, maintain strong friendships, have envy-inducing marriages, and be wrinkle free. We really should have magazine-worthy homes and tidy clean cars. We should probably bathe ourselves, our children, and our dogs. We should turn in the permission slips, pay the dentist bill, sign off on patient labs, and remember the Kohl's cash. No wonder we get to the end of the day and say "pour me a drink. I deserve it!"
A recurrent theme in my blog posts is learning to recognize our ways of self-medicating or buffering. We certainly do not need to feel guilty about having a drink with friends, going out for ice cream, or partaking in retail therapy. But if these things are becoming a frequent or daily habit and causing secondary problems, you may find you have sneaky ways of justifying the ongoing pattern of behavior. "I deserve it" is a classic justification.
So what is the "it" that we all deserve? Its not actually a glass of ethanol, a bowl of sucrose, a new yard of fleece, or a pair of shoes with ultra-thick foam cloud soles. OK, maybe the last one. We all definitely deserve the last one.
What we really need and deserve is...
Time
Relaxation
Comfort
Silliness
Joy
Luxury
Warmth
Softness
Simplicity
Connection
Companionship
Sleep
Rest
Laughter
Movement
Fun
Hydration
Nutrition
Safety
Freedom
Nature
(Fill in your own...)
Do not think for a second that you shouldn't enjoy some cake and celebrate life. But if overdrinking, overeating, overshopping, overgambling etc is becoming a problematic habit for you, really consider this question. What is the it that I deserve? What do I really need and deserve right now? In what other ways can I get what I really yearn for?
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