The first step to create lasting change: Immerse yourself

Before attempting to change a behavior or a habit, it can be very helpful to simply immerse yourself in information. It's a way to move through the stages of change (https://medicine.llu.edu/academics/resources/stages-change-model) in an unhurried manner, to feel that the change is less onerous and more accessible, and to set yourself up for the the change to actually stick.

If you are thinking you should be more responsible with your money, for example, the first step is just to get curious. Reach for any book that looks interesting on the topic of money. Listen to podcasts. Listen to interviews of people whom you admire for being good with their money, or who are experts in the field. Take it slowly. You can dabble. You can read a book about it, and not pressure yourself to change anything.

For any lasting behavioral change I have ever made, it has taken me months or years to make progress. I read, I listen, I don't change a thing. I move on to other interests. I come back to it, reading and listening. I write a few notes. I might consider a change. I keep returning to more information. I trial and error some changes. I fail miserably. I keep learning. What I have found is that the more I immerse myself fully in a certain area of interest or change, I am much less likely to continue with my prior habits. If I am constantly reading and listening to the latest information on longevity, nutrition, and wellness, I'm going to eventually feel discordant about eating fast food or piling through a bag of Oreos. Not at first though. I have found that I am fully capable (sometimes for years!) of learning and listening while simultaneously overspending, overeating, showing up late, or failing to floss. But slowly, slowly, the information seems to crystallize within me, and I shift the titanic.

Jim Rohn, a motivational speaker, is known for saying "you are the average of the five people you spend the most time with." Whom we are surrounded by and spend the most time with influences our thoughts, our choices, and our behaviors. This of course affects us all in both positive and negative ways. It is worth taking time to be intentional about who you spend your time with. Seek out people who embody the behaviors you are striving for. Be intentional also about what you spend your time with. What you watch on tv, what you look at on your phone, what you listen to in the car, what you read. Start by being more intentional about how you passively spend your time, so that later you can more effortlessly actively spend your time meeting your goals.

I recently was listening to an interview of Alice McDermott, the author of the novel Absolution. She was interviewed by podcaster Richard Wolinsky. Professor McDermott was talking about the time period and location for the book, specifically 1960's Vietnam. I will loosely quote what she said: "I did go back and read a lot of political histories and just things from that time, but not really with any purpose. Not knowing exactly what I was looking for. Just hoping that as I was composing the novel, I would have what I needed because I had been immersing myself in other writers' work about Vietnam." It struck me as I was driving and listening to this, that this applies not only to creative works like art and writing, but also to the creation of our best selves. Immerse yourself in others' expertise and experiences to have what you need to create change in your own life.

In This Naked Mind: Control Alcohol, Find Freedom, Discover Happiness & Change Your Life (https://thisnakedmind.com/this-naked-mind/), author Annie Grace says in the introduction: "Don't change your day-to-day routine, even if it includes drinking. You heard correctly--feel free to continue to drink while reading the book. This may seem counterintuitive, but you will see that it is important to the process... What's important is that you continue your regular routines so that you don't create stress and foster a sense of deprivation while trying to absorb this information." She describes using the method of Liminal Thinking, developed by Dave Gray, to influence and nudge your unconscious/subconscious desires by slowly and systematically accepting new ideas and truths at the conscious level. https://liminalthinking.com

Change is a process. It takes time. Have you ever decided in the morning that you will not overeat, have wine with dinner, or do any shopping; only to later find yourself face deep in a cake while sporting a fresh garment? Your unconscious patterns, thoughts, beliefs, and desires are very powerful. Sometimes we feel like we are doing things even against our own will. It can be so frustrating as you are trying to quickly change. So don't. Slow down. Read everything you can. LIsten to anything you can find. Surround yourself with people who have done it. Recognize you have subconscious deeply ingrained patterns. Take time to uncover what it is you are feeling or thinking when you are not yet making the change you'd like to make. Go back and evaluate what you were thinking or feeling as you revisited old patterns. By continuously surrounding yourself with information, and progressively becoming just a little bit more aware of what is going on under the surface, you will change. It may take years, but you will change.