There are a few great reasons to embrace new identities. The first is to shift into better alignment with your essential self. Move towards who you were fully meant to be. Are you in the wrong relationship? Are you feeling an ongoing desire to build a house in the woods? When our profession, political views, spiritual practice, close relationships, sexual orientation, hobbies and interests all reflect our essential self, watch out world! We are automatically happier, more energetic, and at peace. Everyone benefits when each of us is in alignment with our true selves.
The second reason to embrace a new identity is to improve oneself. To break bad habits or overcome old/unwanted identities. A habit continued over time becomes an identity. This is perpetuated by us and by others. For example, someone who is overweight may joke about needing their daily chocolate fix. Then others will perpetuate this – “Its 3:00 Joe, time for that sugar fix!” This can lead to a deeply entrenched identity – Joe having a sweet tooth, Joe hating exercise, Joe born with a chocolate bar in each hand, etc. Oftentimes the intention is not negative when we tease ourselves or others, but over time this serves to keep people firmly within a certain box.
How does one start to change this? First recognize that you are simply working on changing a behavior, not changing your biological makeup. You are just working on recognizing and allowing urges. You were not predestined to always be a smoker, overweight, or a chronic procrastinator. When trying to shift to better habits, think about it as adding to your identity in a positive way. Rather than saying to yourself “I really need to quit smoking,” think “I am excited for a life of wellness.” Rather than saying “I should not have eaten all that cake!”, say “I am working towards having higher energy and vitality.”
The third reason is to add more vibrance to your life. A new identity can give you new skills, a fresh outlook, a larger social network, and more activity. In a word – growth. I recently was at a family gathering where a relative in her 80s was telling us about the dance group she belongs to. She goes dancing now weekly with a group of ladies, only one of whom she knew prior. She invited us all to a dance party she is hosting! She has rheumatoid arthritis and would have a good excuse to maintain a non-dancing identity. But she was totally glowing telling us about it.
I am someone who has always said “I’m not an animal person.” I was never interested in helping on the farm growing up, and was never interested in having a pet. Then my daughter kept working on us to get a puppy. Now I have very practical dog-walking shoes, every dog gadget known to man, and I thoroughly enjoy our long walks. Having a puppy has led to each of us getting outside more often, meeting and seeing neighbors on a regular basis, and laughing together at the silliness of our dog (aptly named Taco Delores).
To embrace a new identity, we have to overcome our own thoughts. Most likely, thoughts will come up like “what was I thinking?” “I can’t do this!” “I’m terrible at this.” “This is ridiculous!” “This is hard!” Let them come up. In the words of my favorite Peloton instructor Cody Rigsby, “it’s not that deep, babe.” It’s not that heavy. Let it all be playful. Try things and have fun. Get over yourself and get out of your own way. Make like a kindergartner and run full steam towards the new activity all while yelling "I'm really good at this - watch me!!"
We also have to overcome our fear of what others might think of us (which again, is just a result of our own thoughts), and embrace the reactions of those around us when we surprise them. Often this is much less dramatic and shorter lived than we fear. People are truly more worried about their own behaviors and schedules to worry too much about what we are eating for a snack. But the fear of what others may think or say, and our reaction to what others truly do say can keep us stuck in a box of an unwanted identity.
May we all be playful and embrace new experiences, new activities, new habits, and new identities. Doing this can really light a spark. It doesn’t mean you have to then be stuck in that new identity. Try it on. If that doesn’t serve you, try something different. It’s not that deep, babe. And may we all work on being people who fully encourage other people’s growth and change. Try not to be the person who has a negative reaction to someone else’s new activity or habit. Recognize our own fear of change or abandonment that may lead us to have that type of reaction. Encourage and embrace others and dive in to your own new areas of growth.
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