The holidays are a glorious time of overconsumption. One of the wonderful things about this time of year is all the extra. More eating, more gathering, more cocktails, more shopping, more decorating, more giving, more communication, more things packed into our schedules. By all means, eat Grandma’s cookies and enjoy the shows and parties. But if you feel you'd like to maintain a little more control in these areas, the following may help.
Three common reasons we over-consume (food, alcohol, shopping, gambling, social media scrolling, etc) are:
1. Buffering. As I’ve mentioned in previous blog posts, buffering is turning to something that will immediately boost dopamine and make us feel better when we are trying to avoid feeling an unpleasant emotion. Overconsumption = underfeeling. You may find yourself turning to more food and drinks and shopping around this time of year as a means to cope with stress, anxiety, or grief. Start to become aware of the emotion driving your urges. Ask yourself what the emotion is, recognize where it is presenting itself in your body, and ask yourself why it is there. Develop the skill of allowing emotion rather than avoiding it.
2. Scarcity. This is the idea that something is only available for a short time or only during a certain time of the year. Marketers use this brilliantly to their advantage. By advertising “inventory going fast! Prices slashed this weekend only! This is your last chance for this model!”, customers are much more tempted to make a rushed urgent purchase. Black Friday crowds are great examples of scarcity shopping.
We are faced with this during the holidays not just with shopping, but also with the foods that are available, the annual parties, the unique drinks and events and candies and lights and shows. Just remember, you can make sugar cookies in February. You can gather with the people you love in March. You can buy candy any day of the year. Don’t succumb to your brain tricking you into the idea that you will ONLY GET THIS ONE TIME! It’s all a lie. You can at any time buy a sweater, make a pie, or have a party.
3. People pleasing. Peer pressure and people pleasing are essentially the same things. This is when we do things that are not in alignment with what we want in order to try to appease the people around us. It can be very difficult to say no to the event you have always gone to with certain family members. It can be hard to turn down an extra slice of pie that was made specifically for you. In these moments, if you feel great about participating, go for it!! If you are feeling over-scheduled or overfed, then honor what you need and honor the loved one’s intention behind the gesture. Recognize that your relative is showing extra love and thoughtfulness by making your favorite dessert. Tell them how much you recognize and appreciate that. Then ask if you can take a couple extra slices home. Recognize an invitation as a way of communicating “we would love to see you and spend quality time together.” Express how much this means to you, and explain respectfully why you can’t attend this time.
Remember the phrase its all optional. The buying, the baking, the attending, the eating, the drinking. Its ALL optional. You really don’t have to send holiday cards. You actually don’t have to bake cookies. Set your personal and family intentions for the holidays. What are the couple things that are can’t-misses for you? Make sure to do those things and thoroughly enjoy them. Then really let the rest be optional. Stay in alignment with your values. If your main intention is time with family, then skip the extra event that will be packed with people and watch your favorite movie together.
It is possible to thoroughly enjoy the holidays in moderation in a way that is unique to your goals, intentions, and values. It is possible to go into the new year not feeling totally spent. Limit your obligations in order to participate in the things you do choose as your brightest fullest self.
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