Everything that we experience in life can be broken down into categories. This really resonates with me as a physician, because of its similarity to taking a complex medical history and breaking it down into the organizational categories we use in medicine (chief complaint, past medical history, etc). It allows one to take a seemingly messy situation and start to organize it to see it more objectively.
Cognitive behavioral therapy focuses on how our thoughts about a situation affect
our emotions, which in turn affect our behaviors. There is an interplay between these three main categories.
Brooke Castillo organized similar categories into a very clear template, which she calls the Self Coaching Model.
Let’s start with circumstances. Circumstances in our lives are the bare bones facts of what has occurred or is occurring. These are the things that everyone in a court of law would agree on. When you are stewing about a situation or problem, it is helpful to sit and write everything about it down on paper. Get it all out. Then go back through and circle only the facts. You will notice that very little of what was written is factual. Most of the writing is story.
Our thoughts are the sentences that run through our heads that tell a story about a situation. We may feel that all of it is completely true, and just how the world is. However, when you start to develop some awareness around what is actually factual, and what is subjective, you will realize that the thoughts and stories you are telling yourself are unique to you and are optional.
Our thought about a situation leads to a shift in how we feel. A feeling is an identifiable sensation in the body. Take a minute to think about a time you experienced intense frustration. What does that feel like for you? Where is it located in your body? Now recall a time you experienced sadness or grief. This feels different. Where in your body is this located? Is it sharp, or nagging, or hard etc? It seems silly at first to think about our emotions in this way, but it is a really important exercise. Many of us either become disconnected from our emotions, or do anything we can to try not to feel negative emotions. By identifying an emotion, locating where it is being experienced in the body, and describing it, that emotion can be honored and felt all the way through. This does far less damage than avoiding or covering up our emotions.
Our feelings then drive our actions. Our actions are all the things we do or do not do. They are how we show up in the world. Our habits, how we communicate, how we perform, what we eat, how we care for ourselves and others.
Our actions lead to overall results in our lives. Results are tangible effects of our daily decisions and actions. Results include your relationship status, the house you live in, your job title, your weight, etc.
When struggling with something, it is useful to sit and write it all out. Then pull out facts. Start to recognize your thoughts about the situation. How are you feeling? Can you identify one distinct emotion? Then examine all the ways this is affecting how you are showing up in your life. What results are you getting in your life?
Alternatively, you can work the model backwards. If you have a result or goal you’d like to achieve, put that in the R line. What are all the actions you would you need to take to achieve that goal? How would you need to be feeling to do the things in the action line? What believable thought can you think in order to generate the desired feeling?
In summary, we have thoughts about a circumstance. Our thoughts produce a feeling in our bodies. That feeling drives our actions. Our actions lead to results in our lives.
Comments