Unconditional Gratitude

We have all heard of the great benefits of gratitude. Keeping a gratitude journal, listing the things you are grateful for with your family members over dinner, and taking a walk while noting pleasant things in your environment are all associated with an immediate boost in appreciation and wellbeing.

The definition of gratitude is the state of being appreciative of benefits received; having thankfulness (Merriam-Webster). It is a strong feeling of appreciation to someone or something for what has helped you (adapted from Cambridge Dictionary).

Gratitude has been consistently shown in positive psychology research studies to be associated with greater happiness. "...a gratitude intervention is an effective, low-intensity intervention for enhancing mental well-being. The sustained effects...suggest that it is possible to promote an appreciative and grateful perspective on life that becomes a lasting resource for living a resilient, joyful and meaningful life." Bohlmeijer et al 2021: https://link.springer.com/article/10.1007/s10902-020-00261-5#Sec29

Additionally, practicing gratitude has been shown to have beneficial effects on cardiovascular health and longevity. "...gratitude therapy helps prevent the occurrence and development of CVD (cardiovascular disease)... Gratitude interventions have been shown to improve the physiological, psychological, and social functions of patients with CVD." Wang et al 2023: https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC10551131/#sec14

It's quite easy to have gratitude when everything is going well. Your children run to you and smooch your cheeks while the sun is shining and the leaves are changing, your surgery day was smooth, you feel impossibly energetic, and your family members are all happy, healthy, and the best of friends. Your heart bursts with appreciation and joy.

But what about the average messy days? Better yet, what about the really awful crummy days?

I would argue that having gratitude on your worst days, for the very worst things, is where your transformation will really start to occur. This is where you will develop grit, resilience, a deep and quiet sense of peace, confidence, and wisdom.

Have gratitude for the surgical case that went south. Ask yourself, "what's the lesson here?" This may lead you to change your approach, innovate, or identify something you hadn't before. One of my residency mentors used to call a challenging surgical case "character building." Not tough, bad, or nightmarish. Only character building.

Have gratitude for your difficult past. Tony Robbins, a well known life coach, has said he has great gratitude for his difficult childhood relationship with his mother. He says that is what made him the person he is. He developed great resilience and positive attributes as a result of it.

Have gratitude for the unexpected new relationships you develop during times of struggle and adversity. In support groups, during grief, during military training or residency.

Have gratitude for the rejections. If not for the rejection letters and the breakups, you wouldn't have found that next better fit. Those things were never meant for you.

Have gratitude for your flops and failures. All of these guide us to what does work for us. Perhaps that total failure at trying to play team sports led you to art classes that give you a lifetime of joy. Perhaps those vividly remembered embarrassing moments are what give you empathy and warmth towards others who are struggling.

Have gratitude for the moments you acted in really regrettable ways. What can you learn from that? How can you prepare better next time? How can you keep yourself well and rested? What can this teach you about yourself?

I got in the habit a few years ago of saying to myself "I am grateful for it all." For it all. Really. The good, the bad, the boring, the messy, the frustrating. All of it. Gratitude helps us recognize and focus on all the magnificent good that is in each average day. And it helps redirect our focus to how everything could possibly be working to benefit us, if only we are open to it, on a bad day. It allows us to breathe a little deeper, relax our shoulders, and smile, knowing it really is all ok.

Practice unconditional gratitude. "I am grateful for it all."