There is an ancient Taoist parable that gives one pause when stuck in negative thinking. There are many versions of this story involving a farmer and his horse. I will paraphrase one version:
A farmer owned a horse, a highly valued possession at the time. One day the horse runs away. A friend visits the farmer to say how sorry he is to hear of the lost horse. The farmer says “Who Knows What’s Good or Bad?”
The horse soon returns and brings with him twelve wild horses. The farmer's friend returns and congratulates the farmer on his greatly improved fortune. The farmer again says “Who Knows What’s Good or Bad?”
The farmer’s son starts training the wild horses. He is thrown from a horse and badly breaks his leg. The friend returns to help the farmer and tell him how sorry he is to hear of his son's misfortune. The farmer once again says: “Who Knows What’s Good or Bad?”
Soon a war breaks out and the army rounds up able-bodied young men to go to war. The farmer's son is spared because of his broken leg.
Who Knows What's Good or Bad?
If you find yourself perseverating on a difficult period of time, a bad outcome, bad luck, or a bad life, ask yourself: Who Know's What's Good or What's Bad? Remember that each of us has our own unique thoughts and feelings in reaction to the same set of facts. If you are stuck in negative thinking, ask yourself "is there any other way this could be interpreted?" What are all the possible ways this could be looked at? Get creative. Get silly. Think of the most positive and funny people you know. How would they look at it? Then think of the most pessimistic and cranky people - how would they look at it? Just doing this gives you a little distance between you and your thoughts, which allows some room for manipulation of those thoughts.
An unexpected divorce could be the starting line for a whole new and exciting life. A rejection letter from your school of choice could lead you to moving to the location where you meet the love of your life. Landing your dream job may result in over-work, burnout, and loneliness. Who knows what's good or what's bad?
I heard Arianna Huffington interviewed by Oprah Winfrey a few years ago. Her similar perspective stuck with me. When faced with a less than ideal situation, she always asks herself "How is this working FOR me?" I have used that question on myself many times and it is surprising how many positive possibilities jump immediately out.
Who knows what's good or what's bad?
How is this working FOR me?
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